Two Things...

When my wife wants to express something to me; an idea, a thought, a story, a leacture, whatever...she always starts it with "two things". It's one of those cute things that is only cute to you, whether you're a boy or girlfriend, husband or wife. The little quirks that put a smile on your face no matter how annoying it would be and IS when anyone else does it.



WELL you know what today I was bothered, frustrated and felt a little stupid. By what and why you might ask....



Two things....



First, I'm taking a shower this morning, and realized that I needed to wash my hair. Now I don't have a whole lot of hair to wash. I'm not bald, but some might say I'm a little faster than my hair....think about it.....Good!! But really I keep it pretty close to the noggin. I can't remember the last time I paid for a hair cut. Even with a high and tight buzz cut I still need to give it a good clean. I've got my own special shampoo; yeah special, that's what I said, but I decided to go with something a little more I don't know ...healthy for my hair. It doesn't grow back as fast as it used to.



So I look around and see that my wife has multiple bottles of shampoos and conditioners. I choose one and read the lable...for "Curly to Straight". I think that's not what I need, and choose another. For "Dry to Moisterized",hmmm Not that one either. NEXT..."Flat to Volume". An another...for "Oily Hair". NOW at this point I'm thinking I've got 2 more to go and this is some bullshit. Why can't they make a "Dirty to Clean" That's all I need? I mean if it was alright I'd rum some Lava with Pumice on my head. It would both clean, exfoliate, and get rid excess oil.



But the real issue, I finally realized, is that my wife has like 6 different shampoos in our shower. She's basically got a Walgreens in in the corner. When I confronted her about this, about how can she have so many shampoos and whatnot...She just looked at me and said...You have "special shampoo...I have special hair".



And 2...After the great shampoo debate, I walk into the closet barefoot. I feel something under my foot. I step back and look to see what it was. I couldn't see anything. So I put my foot down and sure enough I felt it again. It just felt like something was in the carpet and needed to be picked up. A normal person would bend over and look and pick up whatever it is or at least feel for it....NOT ME. I decide, actually I can't really call it a decision, to just step down harder.



I damn near drove a needle through my pinky toe.



My wife come in to see what's the matter. With a scowl on my face I tell her. She then goes..."oh I was wondering what happened to that".



I was furious...I started to lay into her..and just as I really got going she said...I can explain. I said go ahead. She said...ok 2 things.